12 May 2021
That's the title of a new YouTube channel in which my fellow caretakers and I will be showing spouses, companions and friends new to wound care some of the revolutionary techniques we've developed in the last few months.
Salwa the LVN came up with the title when I showed her a refinement for laying down the Kerlix* that prevents it from shifting in the wound over a period of up to 12 hours. She's going to nominate me for the Nobel Prize in Amateur Wound Care, I think.
If Husbands at Home Doing Wound Care sounds a little too similar to Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, you shouldn't be surprised. Whatever about this isn't funny has got to be a joke.
Take, for example, Joyce's foot problem. Because the wound is so massive, Joyce doesn't have a full range of motion on her leg. That makes it hard for her to get compression stockings on. And, as you might guess, it doesn't make cutting toenails easy either.
Whatever about this isn't funny has got to be a joke.
I've been assisting both operations but because when I once saw a podiatrist do my mother's toenails with a Dremel*, I became aware it can be very dangerous. Particularly with a guy who tends to sneeze out of the blue.
So I had suggested Joyce contact her primary physician for a referral to a podiatrist. And this week she did.
Around dinner time the same day, she heard back. Kaiser's podiatrists don't cut toenails but Kaiser has a list of out-of-network podiatrists that do. And they give Kaiser members a discount.
We investigated a few of them. The one just a mile away no longer takes patients in the city. Another halfway to the clinic requires 15 pages of legal forms be filled out before the first visit. Oh, and you have to print them out yourself.
I find to my surprise that I am not above holding a grudge against office staff that expect me to provide their supplies. I believe there's some evidence that I contribute enough free labor to prop up the medical establishment as it is. Supplies are not part of the deal.
If we actually went that route, I would inject a clause in the PDF that awarded Joyce a lollipop for each toe that survives treatment. And a bottle of bourbon for me each time I bring her to the appointment.
But a better idea occurred to me.
Her primary admitted a nail salon could do the job, too. No Medicare discount from the $85 to $100 podiatrist bill. But closer to home and better gossip, no doubt.
You can guess the problem, though. Most husbands at home doing wound care don't have a clue about pedicures. I'm in that group.
Luckily a couple of female friends had some ideas. One was in another neighborhood but Alice made an appointment at the Zen Beauty Spa in West Portal (our neighborhood) for tomorrow afternoon.
Alice told Violet at the Spa that Joyce would be a tough customer. But Violet assured her she'd seen it all.
So Alice is coming tomorrow afternoon to take Joyce to the Spa. I have about 24 hours to come up with a way to amuse myself in the empty house.
YouTube, here I come.